I’ve never admitted this but I suffer from a genetic disposition. Symptoms include:

• Out of control bustiness
• Thigh thickness
• General flat assedness

Needless to say, none of my clothes fully fit. Finding a swimsuit is about on par with finding a bra that doesn’t suck over a C cup size. Good support, coverage, flexible cuts for outfits and decent straps are hard to find in one package for an affordable price. If you want any kind of style with that most times, you’re SOL. So far the same is true for swimsuit.

Style

It’s just my luck that the most popular swimsuits are terrible for actual swimming for a person of my shape. Bikinis are just out of my league to begin with and they account for more than 60% of most stores swimwear lines. What’s left are monokinis/modern-styled-suits-that-create-weirdest-tan lines, granny suits, and less than 5% viable one-piece swimsuits and tankinis.

Cut

The cleavage cut is usually the deal-breaker of most suits. D+ cup bresticles need insurance that they won’t fly out, be smashed down, spread apart too far, that the actually fit inside of the cup area, and at least a little support for people that actually go underwater in, you know, family settings. Bandeaus, string halters, spaghetti straps and strapless suits need not apply. Thick halters, underwired cups, and sporty-strapped are optimal but rare. As far as bottoms are concerns, boy shorts are the move. Some of the suits that have all right outer look are so unbelievably Spanx-ed out of the inside that they are completely uncomfortable.

Size

Ugh! I managed to move down a few sizes but not enough to get out of that most common size area. A suit that’s otherwise perfect in person will only have sizes in the slim/petite or plus zone. Suits online are not at all easy to mentally size. The model provided is incomparable because of their slim appearance. There are so many instances of missing limbs, odd angles, disappearing profiles, and other weirdness that you’re not really sure of how to judge the size even with a chart of measurements. The reviews are just brimming with uneven complaints that it can’t be judged how accurate sizing is.

Price

After everything else is considered, price flat out murders so many good choices. The reality is that I’m not going to spend close to $40 on an item that changes in tastes every season, is not donate-able or resale-able. $20-$25 price capping is probably making the search difficult but I’ve got standards.

I have had a vacation in like 3 years and it seems it took that long of an absence for all hell to break loose in the swim world right before I get this tiny space for a weekender. It would be so easy if I could just pick up the suit and routine but 3 major things have changed:

• My hair is now 100% unpermed
• I have randomly, unintentionally lost about 1-3 dress sizes
• I’ve managed to gain an entire cup size

I just had to step back and go “Man, what do I do with myself?” I was completely prepared to just spend a little money and be done but it’s not been that easy. I am now into day 3 of what I thought would just take me merely hours.  I was not expecting to dive into a random crisis of black feminism. Just the experience of navigating the stores and the internet was an eye-opener. I am self-confident in my hair and body but damn I could make things more adaptable to me I’d be 10x happier.

I think we’ve all heard this one:

[That child’s mother] ought to be ashamed of herself letting that child leave the house looking like that. Got hair every which way, looking like a little heathen. 

It almost makes my skin crawl to hear grown women make fun of children’s hair with an air faux concern. It’s even worse that there are legitimate news articles from major outlets that either chastise parents or ridicule small children (Zahara Jolie-Pitt, Seal and Heidi Klum’s children, Willow Smith, etc) for their hairstyles. I don’t buy for a second that these people give a damn about the welfare and self-esteem of these children. It’s also ludicrous that people make it their prerogative to judge a mother’s rearing abilities based on the way a child wears their hair.

To refrain from stepping into a large discussion of good and bad hair, I’ll just state that my personal definition of good hair is just hair that is healthy, clean, and detangled not specific to any state (natural, relaxed, or weaved). I think too many mothers still rely on archaic standards of grooming hair. Especially true for African-Americans like myself, some mothers consider it lazy if a mother does not exert a tremendous effort in “taming” hair in restrained hairstyles like pigtails and braids. None considered the negative body image messages they are influencing. The same women indoctrinate into their children this is the way things are supposed to be and whether intentional or not set up the precedent that hair-based ridicule and bullying of other children is perfectly acceptable. Hairstyles are highly individual, so it’s ridiculous to impose a standard on children. They are at a stage in their life where they are suppose to have fun and be free, and not be in a word mini-adults.  

Few of these mothers consider the why-nots. Seeing and experiencing the dark side of hair grooming, I wouldn’t wish it on any small impressionable child. There is in many cases avoidable pain. Pressing and relaxers are two particular methods that have caused me the physical pain of burns. I’ve seen ponytails and braids so tight they raise the scalp and leave bumps. I see hair so broken off, over-processed, and hard that it’s almost unstyleable. Would you blame a parent for saving their children from this avoidable madness? And then you have people out there that love their children but just are not skilled in styling and don’t want to or don’t have the funds to pay someone to maintain a superficial standard. Point blank, children should not have to suffer from a small sect of society’s views on vanity.