{weird}gasm

Alice In Nappyland: Reblog if you are a single person regularly described as "intimidating?"

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:59:00 -0400

Alice In Nappyland: Reblog if you are a single person regularly described as "intimidating?":

heirofmedusa:

frank-e-fighting-words:

girljanitor:

frank-e-fighting-words:

After reading aragorn-sass’s post, and thinking about a couple convo’s I’ve either had or read here on tumblr I’m curious to know how much this is an actual thing.

In my late teens and early adulthood,if i’d gotten a dollar for every time a friend literally told me “my girlfriend/boyfriend’s afraid of you”i’d have many dollars. i have flat affect, which tended to cause people to seek my approval and sometimes still does. and, for some reason, people tend to pigeonhole me based on appearance as someone who’s afraid of confrontation and i am most definitelynot, so maybe the surprise factor enhances the “intimidating” thing. I also have had my bluntness come off as really judgmental, too. I have a hard time perceiving people’s possible responses to something i say or do.

the bold,

I think blackfoxx and freshmouthgoddess have also gotten this, but I regularly had my friends say, about their bf’s, that I looked like the type a “girl” you don’t fuck with.

I was 5’2 (barely), and barely 105 as a teen, with hair hiding my glasses covered face. In my early twenties I was 125 and even super femme, negroes tip toed around me.

As an adult I still have to deal with my lil’ brothers and roommates friends being terrified, like so terrified it’s damn near emanating off um.

It has become common for me to leave places to escape the awkward.

White girls tell me everyday they’re terrified of me.

Even white men. GROWN ASS SALTY ASS SAILORS tell me I terrify them.

And I don’t even be doing shit. I talk shit, sure, but that’s usually all it is. I’m just out here trying to function and shit but these motherfuckers are always telling me that “You’re a big Black woman, and that’s scary by itself.”

Even the Marines in my class back in A-school were scared of me.

It’s ridiculous.

I’ve been “intimidating” since middle school. An awkward Black girl with glasses and braces who would rather spend time in the library than on the playground = “intimating”. I don’t get it. I get why I’d be considered intimidating now but back then? No clue.

I’m definitely seeing a trend here. I too am a tall, awkward, mildly overweight black girl with glasses and braces. I don’t respond to social stimuli well because I just mentally can’t read them at all. People take the silence that it causes as intimidation or brooding. If anything, I should feel intimidated. I have been victimized by an excessive amount of vicious verbal and physical exchanges despite being a card-carrying member of Don’t Start No Shit, It Won’t Be Nan Club and has to take each conversation with caution. They literally have nothing to go on but appearances. I’m a goofy ass, nerdy teddy bear. It’s weird watching visually “trustworthy” ones just eat people alive one by one.

I'm consider persuing a fiction writing course somewhere in the near future

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:08:17 -0400

It’s something to look forward to after getting my second diploma next year.

Goodwill Hunting: Okay I’m now accepting that I cannot go...

Thu, 23 May 2013 21:14:33 -0400

Goodwill Hunting:

Okay I’m now accepting that I cannot go inside of a Goodwill and not come out with a load of books. I’m really lucky to have the shelf space and to have a constant flow of children to read them to until I get my own. My littlest ones don’t even ask, they just grab them and hop into my lap. They look so patient as if they are actual taking it all in and ask curious questions. They really give these books the mileage they deserve. I couldn’t pass up the lower four because I lost my original ones to hardship.

Not entirely sure why this song is jammed into my brain.

Thu, 23 May 2013 08:12:24 -0400

Not entirely sure why this song is jammed into my brain.

I am amazed at how I have been taking setbacks like a champ

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:12:31 -0400

Just weeks ago, I would’ve come undone by my university delaying my diploma for one class that I lost by a small fraction of a grade but that hasn’t been the case. Everything else seems so small and irrelevant.

Retrospective.

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:08:18 -0400

tumblr. is the most consistent thing I have comparable to a diary. I could never fully commit to a written diary. In the wake of the whole tumblr./Yahoo! acquisition, I did what many people did and exported my tumblog to a Wordpress blog. Needless to say, it looked visually ridiculous. I pared down all of the mayhem of four years down to only my original posts and noticed that nearly 2/3 of the posts were not really an expression of my thoughts but merely reblogs. For the forum that housed much of my growth during my college year and my personal trials with natural hair, it was poorly organized and often not very personal. It is very equivalent to how photo albums in my household hold images of people that are neither myself or my mother. Not once have I posted my own face or my own work. It kind of makes me feel cowardly and invisible. It’s almost as if I am begging for ways to show that I exist.

So I'm seeing that Cee-Lo Green is collaborating with Janelle Monae for a track on "The Electric Lady"

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:42:00 -0400

Cee-Lo said it in a video interview with Billboard at the awards show backstage, so it seems legit.

teairachanel: Janelle and Goodie Mob (DF) I wonder what that...

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:24:41 -0400

teairachanel:

Janelle and Goodie Mob (DF)

I wonder what that meeting was like.

hiphoptoday: Goodie Mob FT Janelle Monae - Special education...

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:07:00 -0400

hiphoptoday:

Goodie Mob FT Janelle Monae - Special education (New)

I just love it when my ATLiens collaborate. I need a video for this yesterday. Now I’m just waiting on Janelle Monae and Andre 3000 for the circle to be complete. I wonder if there’s any chance of seeing this performed live on TV. It’s been a while and we still haven’t seen Q.U.E.E.N. done live.

Times of high humidity like this makes me wish I would just stop being a wuss and loc my hair up.

Tue, 21 May 2013 09:45:00 -0400

I mean woof at this deranged, disobedient, thick fro. It needs an exorcist. Back to mini twists!

Hi new followers

Tue, 21 May 2013 09:09:00 -0400

Don’t be shy. My ask box is always open.

I really feel like they are exploiting Judith Hill for her Michael Jackson connection

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:13:00 -0400

She’s done everything to prove that her voice is comparable to everyone in that competition. They never seem to ask her about herself in ways that they ask about others. We know nothing about Judith the artist, just Judith the background singer. I really feel that she hasn’t gotten to achieve those Amanda Brown-level breakthrough performances or even to live up to her earlier performances with the exception of last week. At this point, I almost don’t want her to win. It would just be another accolade to distract people from her own identity.

These kids act like I'm trying to kill them when I recommend them a book that they're unfamiliar with

Mon, 20 May 2013 19:57:02 -0400

It makes me sad. I mean I try to be permissive and mix their newer culture but I’m getting resistance on all ends. I am not a stranger to YA or children’s literature at all. But then again, my library card had the most extensive frequent flier miles in every section when it was not grounded for fines at their age. I tend to have no trouble with younger children and reading but the school-age and tween bracket has been hell. I’m getting dismayed because their reading scores are really staring to falter. Not that long ago, I was able engage them into reading aloud Matilda, The Wizard of Oz, Madeline, Charlotte’s Web and Alice in Wonderland with no attitude. I allowed Diary of Wimpy Kid and Dork Diaries in recently with no complaint because I pre-screened them and they know that I’m open to suggestions. The ones that I’m not able to get in make me sad. They go “Ew, old school!” at shit that just came out that barely has 5 years in publication. I can’t for the life of me seem to squeeze in the POC non-fiction and historical fiction that the schools just flat out refuse to incorporate, the new, diverse titles outside of the ones merchandised for pre-existing movies/TV shows or even the “classics” they will be expected to know in the classrooms that are on their reading lists.

I wish I could give them the thirst I had for reading without stomping out their democratic choice. The education landscape was an entirely different landscape some 10 odd years ago. We were just starting to launch into standardized test culture. Our televisions still had Reading Rainbow, Zoom!, Bill Nye the Science Guy, and the Magic School Bus for older kids. It makes me sad. Their exploration and imagination is just gone. I want to reinvigorate it before they become disillusioned adults.

So a relaxed child asked me, "Why do people relax their hair when they know chemicals are bad for them?"

Mon, 20 May 2013 18:56:56 -0400

I gave a pacifist answer like “I don’t know maybe they like the look or the ease”. That’s only partly true but I don’t think I’m the right person to be spilling the whole truths since a) she is not my child b) her mother obviously does not share my beliefs since she’s had a relaxer since she was 3 years c) she is too young to fully grasp Anti-Blackness. I am not anti-relaxer and I respect people’s choice to relax, but the political reasons still burden our community strong. Was I wrong?

nbcthevoice: Emeli Sandé, Miguel, Kelly Clarkson, Coldplay - we...

Mon, 20 May 2013 16:41:00 -0400

nbcthevoice:

Emeli Sandé, Miguel, Kelly Clarkson, Coldplay - we have your sneak peek at tonight’s song list!

Which of the Top 10 is singing each song?

This excites me on like 19 levels. Well, all but 3 of those.

neptuneisforlovers: dollface-galactica: dimepieced: oh. my....

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:15:28 -0400

neptuneisforlovers:

dollface-galactica:

dimepieced:

oh. my. god. HAHAHAH

*cries*

madeleineishere: Doodle: never going to be a morning person…

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:12:53 -0400

madeleineishere:

Doodle: never going to be a morning person…

Cyber clutter

Sun, 19 May 2013 01:03:17 -0400

It astounds me the amount of junk that I’ve signed my name to online. Barely any of it accurate depicts my character or my habits. You only remember a percentage of the accounts you open. Why are we so easily moved to open so many new accounts to things when we’re barely accountable for the ones we’ve already created? Our stints are so temporary and some never have fully actualized usage, but yet we’re anxious to make new ones.

The internet has really been giving me an existential crisis in this early postgrad life. I really need a completely unplugged hobby.

Parenting WIN!

Sat, 18 May 2013 22:56:16 -0400

seizetheday-ra:

thetoke:

You damn right! Bet that shit gets done with the QUICKNESS!

Excellent. Lol

Points of Contact

Sat, 18 May 2013 12:42:28 -0400

Hand sanitizer accurately depicts what the modern experience of the internet is like: you don’t realize the barely visible ways that you’ve opened yourself up to the world until you try to clean it up. We have regularly gotten to subscribing and creating accounts that we forget the sheer volume of businesses and individuals that have our information until they become a nuisance or we just general need to clear out that space.

I’m not a huge fan of just abandoning things that I don’t use anymore. I’ve been on a search-and-destroy mission and it seems like every time I think I’ve nuked them all, another social media service or blog reappears. The blogs are hilariously underdeveloped and get the mercy killings they beg for. I’m in disbelief how sloppy I’ve been with my privacy and security.