{weird}gasm

I’ve never admitted this but I suffer from a genetic disposition. Symptoms include:

• Out of control bustiness
• Thigh thickness
• General flat assedness

Needless to say, none of my clothes fully fit. Finding a swimsuit is about on par with finding a bra that doesn’t suck over a C cup size. Good support, coverage, flexible cuts for outfits and decent straps are hard to find in one package for an affordable price. If you want any kind of style with that most times, you’re SOL. So far the same is true for swimsuit.

Style

It’s just my luck that the most popular swimsuits are terrible for actual swimming for a person of my shape. Bikinis are just out of my league to begin with and they account for more than 60% of most stores swimwear lines. What’s left are monokinis/modern-styled-suits-that-create-weirdest-tan lines, granny suits, and less than 5% viable one-piece swimsuits and tankinis.

Cut

The cleavage cut is usually the deal-breaker of most suits. D+ cup bresticles need insurance that they won’t fly out, be smashed down, spread apart too far, that the actually fit inside of the cup area, and at least a little support for people that actually go underwater in, you know, family settings. Bandeaus, string halters, spaghetti straps and strapless suits need not apply. Thick halters, underwired cups, and sporty-strapped are optimal but rare. As far as bottoms are concerns, boy shorts are the move. Some of the suits that have all right outer look are so unbelievably Spanx-ed out of the inside that they are completely uncomfortable.

Size

Ugh! I managed to move down a few sizes but not enough to get out of that most common size area. A suit that’s otherwise perfect in person will only have sizes in the slim/petite or plus zone. Suits online are not at all easy to mentally size. The model provided is incomparable because of their slim appearance. There are so many instances of missing limbs, odd angles, disappearing profiles, and other weirdness that you’re not really sure of how to judge the size even with a chart of measurements. The reviews are just brimming with uneven complaints that it can’t be judged how accurate sizing is.

Price

After everything else is considered, price flat out murders so many good choices. The reality is that I’m not going to spend close to $40 on an item that changes in tastes every season, is not donate-able or resale-able. $20-$25 price capping is probably making the search difficult but I’ve got standards.

Hair

Black women, pools, and hair have long been strange bedfellows. Besides the inaccessibility of pools in some areas with concentrated black populations, the use of hair dyes, relaxers, and weaves at early ages has left several of my black female peers and relatives without either the ability or the desire to swim. Personally, I know that I can’t fancy-free dive into a pool without preparation or I’ll reap the consequences of brittle hair and tangled ends. I searched for new healthy behavior for black hair while on vacation and many major black female-directed publications and these particular kinda perplexed me responses:

“Sitting Pretty” Many advised the defeatist behavior of just mere sitting on the sidelines passively looking cute. That really doesn’t sit well with me as I see black women trying to be proactive with their health to use swimming:

• as a fitness tool
• learning so they don’t want to be a part of that statistic of black women that drown each year in bodies of water that aren’t so deep
• learning for the selfless reason to have the ability to rescue someone close to them from danger

The swim cap. Ugh, it may be the most healthiest and most advised way to but that thing is just not for me. I’m just going to put it all out there. I not that jazzed about having my head shaped like a condom, I’m far from a professional and I love being fully covered in water, dammit.

There are very few actual recommended hairstyle suggestions. The few articles about black haircare in pools, even if they suggest products, there are no hairstyles suggested ever. The models in the photos accompanying the articles are just walking or reclining with straight hair or someone with box braids. The former is obviously photoshoot-based magic and not recommended for actual use and the latter is a major expense I cannot afford to spare right now.

The takeaway: Since my trip is mix of business and pleasure that I don’t really want deal with the daily burden of a loose afro and I’m burnt out on two-strand twists, I’ve decided to have my hair done in a braid-twist hybrid updo that looks decent unpinned and to be careful to condition and shampoo properly.

I have had a vacation in like 3 years and it seems it took that long of an absence for all hell to break loose in the swim world right before I get this tiny space for a weekender. It would be so easy if I could just pick up the suit and routine but 3 major things have changed:

• My hair is now 100% unpermed
• I have randomly, unintentionally lost about 1-3 dress sizes
• I’ve managed to gain an entire cup size

I just had to step back and go “Man, what do I do with myself?” I was completely prepared to just spend a little money and be done but it’s not been that easy. I am now into day 3 of what I thought would just take me merely hours.  I was not expecting to dive into a random crisis of black feminism. Just the experience of navigating the stores and the internet was an eye-opener. I am self-confident in my hair and body but damn I could make things more adaptable to me I’d be 10x happier.

weddedtothemoon:

now i want a job to stop job hunting

^^^^Ding ding ding! On the money!